Two years in the writing and Call Me Tony! could be as big a hit as The Castle or Crocodile Dundee with the right crew onboard.
Logline: A born loser from Wollongong steals Pharlap’s Heart from the Canberra Museum during the week of Melbourne Cup, Muslim death threats and the National elections.
Synopsis: Tony has nothing going for him. He lives near a horse paddock next to the steelworks in Wollongong, and isn’t too bright. Tony always walks with his head down in defeat. His only friend is Rick the bus driver and Aadila his long-suffering Muslim girlfriend. Tony’s life is marred by tragedy. He lost his drunken jockey dad in a horse racing accident, and soon after his mum was run over by a coal truck. Tony is sent to a Catholic orphanage, and after a mighty beating by the nuns, he runs away to Sydney and works as a rail layer on the railway and causes many accidents. Whenever he greets people he says: “Call me Tony!”
Tony is sent to the legendary psychiatrist Dr Von Cavalry who says, “My boy, the cure is you must do something to make people pay attention to you. Take a trip on a bus or train and think your life out.” So Tony decides to take a train from Central to Canberra. At the Canberra Museum, Tony spills coffee all over a brand new exhibit, and the guard tells him, ‘Listen kid, go back to the psycho ward. Pharlap’s heart over there had more ticker than you ever did and everyone still loves him.” Tony remembers Dr Von Calvary’s advice, steals the heart, puts it in his suitcase and walks out. He stops at a pub, buys an esky and ice, puts the heart in it.
On his way back to Sydney by bus, an old RSL man asks: “Son, did you do something to better yourself today?” Tony smiles. The theft over the bus radio and the driver has to pull over to regain composure. Three RSL members have a heart attack. It is Melbourne Cup week, the Federal elections are on and radical Muslims rejoice thinking Allah has finally punished Aussie ways of gambling etc. Pharlap himself in horse heaven also appears during the film with his own thoughts on the insanity that is occurring.
From this time on Australia’s weather mysteriously changes as the God’s are unhappy with what has happened and many horses near the winning post at NSW races just drop dead. The nations transport and teaching industries go on strike over the theft. Prime Minister Foney Babbott, who walks cowboy style, has Muslim threats, climate control, the carbon tax, refugees and his own hide to worry about as he is about to be replaced by former Prime Minister Levin Mudd. He goes on TV, Facebook, Twitter and the Radio offering a $250,000 reward for the capture of the thief and the heart’s return. Tony tells everyone what he has done but no one believes him. He finally becomes the hero of the nation and unites Australia, but not before causing chaos all over the country involving a multitude of incredible characters and crazed situations. The film good-naturedly has a go at famous Australian traits like our love of sport, our new class system, politics and disrespect.
The film will appeal to an international audience because it has the universal theme of the underdog finally winning, and it shows Australia’s best tourist attractions like the Harbour Bridge, the Indian Pacific train, the Opera House, the outback and our famous beaches. With the right direction and actors the film could be a hit like The Castle and Crocodile Dundee. With great Australian songs from AC/DC, Crowded House, Russell Morris, The Mixtures, as well as international bands like The Ramones, Chuck Berry, Beach Boys, Blondie and James Taylor, the soundtrack could also be a best seller.